6 Months of Chemo in One Blog
By John Westmoreland, Hodgkins Lymphoma survivor
I rarely do any of the writing in our family. Torri and I each know our strengths and writing is not mine; it is definitely hers. But some things can only be written by the person experiencing it. Our family has been through a lot in the last six months because of my cancer and they have all faced their own challenges and have their own perspective of this journey. There have been times of fear, times of frustration, times of anger, times of pure love, and as hard as it is to believe, times of joy.
Only a person who has had cancer and gone through treatment knows … it’s not only physically and mentally tough, but it’s really hard on your loved ones… who often feel helpless. I have said many times through this that I am in many ways doing the easy part. I am very fortunate that Torri and I have always had great communication and I can honestly say that is even better now. Being able to tell each other what you are feeling emotionally each and every day is a great habit for any relationship and this challenge has forced us to do just that. While things have not been easy, being married to your best friend certainly makes it easier.
Every cancer is different and every patient’s experience with the treatment is different. For me, it has been an eye opening experience. Torri and I are both positive people and have always felt that you make your own way in life and do what it takes to get where you want to go. At the start of this journey, back in February, we spent about two days digesting the fact that I had cancer and then we set our minds on doing what it takes to get through treatment and come out stronger on the other side. I made the statement that I wanted our business to grow this year, regardless of whether or not I was going through chemo. I felt that if we could get through this and grow our business, then on the other side of it we would feel like we had truly accomplished something and in no way had cancer beat us. Going into chemo for six months is kind of like hitting a pause button on your life. You feel like everything has just stopped, but if you can keep moving forward, it doesn’t seem like a wasted six months. Of course, Torri looked at me like I was crazy, wanting to grow our business during chemo, but never argued and picked up a lot of my slack to make “our goal” possible.
As I sit in the chair at the treatment center receiving my 12th and final dose, I can say proudly that our company is up 42% over this time last year and I am very proud of our accomplishment.
There are a few things chemo has taught me along the way. The first is…regardless of how strong you go into it mentally and physically, chemo’s job is to knock you down and it is very good at doing its job. We were told not to plan on me working after treatment 8 or 9. In the beginning, I chuckled at this and thought “they obviously don’t know me”. Going into the last two treatments, I was no longer chuckling. I have been fortunate to be able to work, while not at normal level and not all the time, through my treatments. Yesterday I went to do a small installation by myself, really just so I could have that mental victory and know that I worked all the way through this thing. Those small achievements make all the difference mentally in keeping you feeling like yourself. It is easy to start feeling like you are no longer the same person, so anything you can do to challenge yourself and accomplish a task keeps those thoughts at bay. There is no doubt that the key to beating cancer is largely mental. Torri has had to remind me several times that my head needs to be in the “right place” and, knowing she was right, I would do whatever I could to get my mind back where it needed to be.
The second thing I learned is that the world is full of amazing people and they are often right around you every day. We run through life so fast that we don’t take the time to see people for who they are. The number of friends, clients, and family members who have helped us through this and taken on our challenges with us is amazing! We often find ourselves talking about how many truly amazing people we have in our lives these days. If I made a list, you’d never make it to the end of this, so I’ll just say “you know who you are”. Take time to appreciate those around you and try to see them for who they truly are.
I was also taught that the things that often stress you out in life are often, well, silly things that shouldn’t. I can’t tell you how many times I have actually laughed at situations that in the past would have made me really mad. I have definitely learned what is important in life and what things really don’t matter. While our business has grown this year, the funny thing is that we actually “fired” several clients because they just weren’t a good fit for us. Freeing up that time and energy has been the key to our growth. Sometimes growth involves cutting ties that are weighing you down and realizing that you can’t be everything to everyone.
Regardless of your treatment regimen or the type of cancer you face, being a survivor changes who you are. I told Torri the other day that I have a theory that if you took a group of children who were Leukemia survivors and gave them the best education and resources, they would succeed at very high levels in anything they did. Battling cancer and going through what they have gone through at an early age gives them traits that many of us don’t find until we are much older. They know that you have to enjoy life. They know what a true challenge is and how to rise to the occasion. They are intimately familiar with their inner strength and how to get to the next level when you feel like you can’t. There is an energy in them that comes naturally from just being here. I myself feel the urge to take my life to the next level and not just treat it like a routine. The challenges of cancer and chemo have a way of cleansing who you are.If you ever have to face a challenge like this, the best advice I can give is not to let it own you. While it will take your physical energy, do something extraordinary that will help you generate the mental energy to beat it.
We started Stick it 2 Cancer during the worst weeks of my treatment and honestly, it energizes us and gives us purpose every day, when it would be very easy to curl up on the couch and sleep. Watching what we do every day benefit LLS and their efforts is as rewarding as anything we have ever done. Having the amazing people around us involved in this effort as a part of our team is just all the more energizing.
Thanks for helping us Stick it 2 Cancer!
